The Advice given by My Father That Saved Us when I became a First-Time Father

"I think I was simply in survival mode for twelve months."

Ex- Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey expected to manage the demands of fatherhood.

But the actual experience rapidly turned out to be "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health problems surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was thrust into acting as her primary caregiver as well as taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing every night time, each diaper… every stroll. The job of mother and father," Ryan shared.

Following eleven months he reached burnout. That was when a talk with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he required support.

The direct phrases "You aren't in a good place. You must get support. How can I assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and start recovering.

His experience is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. While the public is now more comfortable discussing the stress on mums and about post-natal depression, far less attention is paid about the struggles new fathers encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his difficulties are linked to a larger reluctance to talk among men, who continue to internalise negative notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and doesn't fall every time."

"It is not a show of failure to seek help. I didn't do that quick enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can feel they are "not justified to be asking for help" - most notably in preference to a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental health is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the opportunity to request a break - going on a few days overseas, away from the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He came to see he required a change to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions in addition to the practical tasks of taking care of a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan sees being a dad.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son to better grasp the language of emotion and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen lacked stable male a father figure. Despite having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, long-standing trauma meant his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says repressing feelings led him to make "bad actions" when in his youth to modify how he felt, finding solace in drink and drugs as escapism from the hurt.

"You turn to behaviours that don't help," he notes. "They might temporarily change how you feel, but they will in the end make things worse."

Strategies for Managing as a New Father

• Open up to someone - when you are under pressure, speak to a family member, your spouse or a counsellor how you're feeling. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the activities that allowed you to feel like you before having a baby. It could be going for a run, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Look after the physical health - a good diet, physical activity and if you can, getting some sleep, all contribute in how your emotional health is doing.
• Connect with other new dads - hearing about their stories, the challenges, along with the positive moments, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Remember that seeking help does not mean you've failed - prioritising your own well-being is the most effective way you can look after your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the passing, having not spoken to him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead give the security and emotional support he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they do "shaking it out" together - expressing the frustrations safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men because they acknowledged their pain, altered how they talk, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their children.

"I'm better… sitting with things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo last week," Ryan adds. "I wrote, on occasion I think my job is to instruct and tell you what to do, but actually, it's a exchange. I am understanding as much as you are on this path."